No Charm, Bad Food, Low Clouds

Lush green landscapes...fresh air...spring-like temperatures. The Chiriqui Highlands in Panama is farming country: horse farms, cattle farms, fruit and vegetable farms, and coffee farms.

Dear International Living Reader,

Humming birds...tinkling streams...and fruit orchards. Coffee bushes...horse and cattle ranches...and strawberry farms. Green mountains and dense cloud forests. Starbursts of pink, yellow, and tangerine impatiens and other vividly-colored flowers growing like weeds beside the switchback roads.

I'm in Panama's Chiriqui Highlands. There are whispers that the area between the towns of Volcan and Cerro Punta could become the next Boquete--which lies the other side of the sleeping volcano of Volcan Baru. But although there are plots of land for private sale, few developers seem to have moved into these rumpled valleys...yet.

In sunshine, the landscape is stunningly gorgeous. At least, that's what I can tell from other people's photos... Cloud forests mean clouds...and clouds mean rain. Today, it's torrential. Maybe it's sheer bad luck--mornings supposedly produce some sunshine--but the clouds have been so low, I've yet to catch a glimpse of Volcan Baru.

Rainy weather is apparently normal for the greater part of the year. The "dry season" only runs from December to April.

That said, everything you've read about the spring-like climate in western Panama's Highlands is true. The air is indeed far fresher than down in Panama City. Along with an abundance of flowers, the bird-life is simply incredible. Sitting on the porch of the Cielito Sur guesthouse (run by Glenn and Janet Lee, a Panamanian-American couple), I've just spotted a violet sabre-wing humming bird.

But I'd love some human company. I'm now the Lees' sole guest. The only North American visitors I've met are a couple from Texas and their expat brother who works in Panama City--and they left last night. At this time of year, visitors are few. In the rainy low season, there's little call for activities such as guided hiking, horse-riding, and whitewater rafting. Something to bear in mind if you're considering a tourist-related business.

Surrounded by farming country, the towns of Volcan and Cerro Punta are basically agricultural settlements. And very unsophisticated. I'd read throwaway guidebook descriptions of "quaint mountain villages," but the authors' notion of what constitutes quaintness is very different to mine. Don't expect anything like Mexican colonial towns with a pretty zocalo square complete with bandstand, church, and shoeshine boys.

Both with long sprawling main streets, the centers of Volcan and Cerro Punta revolve around their respective police stations. I'd dearly like to make them sound more appealing, but I'm not a fan of gas stations, agricultural supply stores, and dowdy supermarkets. Nothing whatsoever about these towns charms me.

Remembering a complaint from one reader about how I rarely give the lowdown on cheap places to eat--or what you get for your money--I investigated Café Volcan, a mom-and-pop shack near Volcan's police station. No menu. The guy just babbled something incomprehensible in Spanish.

I chose the last comida (meal) on his list. It turned out to be a couple of slices of dried-up pork, a block of rice and red beans, and a bit of salad. Hardly haute cuisine--to be frank, it was utterly disgusting--but the cost was only $2.65. And that included a beer.

So, yes, you can tick off the spring-like climate, cheap eats, and--if you're the outdoorsy type--plenty of back-to-nature experiences. But, without something else to occupy you, my feeling is that boredom (and an alcohol habit) might set in pretty quickly.

Steenie Harvey
Roving Europe Editor (on loan to Panama City), International Living

Editor's note: So ends our "Panama Uncensored" coverage. For a moment, it looked like Panama's Highlands had won Steenie over...but the Chiriqui Province didn't have what it takes to impress our roving Europe Editor. "Steenie," we said, "Go to Panama. Find out everything there is not to like about the place, then tell our readers all about it."

What do we think of Panama now that Steenie's reminded us of its warts and boils? We think what we've always thought. Panama's capital, Panama City, is without peer in this part of the world, the most cosmopolitan capital in Central America. The country's coasts (both Caribbean and Pacific...plus along the sandy edges of a whole bunch of picture-perfect islands) are beautiful. Its mountains are spring-like...their hillsides covered with wildflowers. The pensionado program of special benefits for foreign retirees is the best on offer anywhere. And this country remains one of the world's hold-out offshore havens.

If you're undecided on Panama...we've made it easy for you to figure out. During this last day of our "Panama Uncensored" coverage, we've arranged a way for you to explore Panama for $1. Take a look.